February = cruel

Fred is mad because I refuse to be back up child care for him when his pregnant girlfriend goes into labor sometime this month. The guy is nuts, isn't he?

I've shed a few tears over the last few days. What single person doesn't dread Valentine's Day? I reject the premise of Valentine's Day and I think it mostly creates expectations that are unrealistic. And yet it makes me feel bad. I'm living in exile from the world of coupledom. (I like Woman's Day in Russia as an alternative -- everyone gets flowers from friends, family, and co-workers, it's not about the romantic dyad, and it's not about proving one's devotion through purchases of cards, candy, jewelry, etc.)

I'm looking forward to being insanely busy when the semester is in full swing. Less time to feel lonely. I'm not ALONE. I have closer friendships and relationships now and more of a support network than I ever had when I was still married. BUT, I would like to have a partner -- someone to talk to, cuddle with, share life's ups and downs. I'm longing for that -- and I longed for it when I was still married. I had it sometimes, but inconsistently, and in the last year of my marriage almost not at all.