Lather, rinse, repeat

To riff on Ani DiFranco: he's just a liar with nothing to lie about.

My ex, I'll call him Fred, is living up to the worst stereotypes of litigators, cheating spouses, and deadbeat dads. He continually cancels his weeknight visitation with our daughter because of "work" obligations (he always used work as an excuse for avoiding the unglamourous domestic duties like raising one's children). In the 3 months since our divorce became final, he has kept the schedule he insisted upon only a handful of times. Yet he accuses me of not honoring his right to see his daughter.

So, he cancels again this week, citing work obligations. I decide to call his bluff and I offer to reschedule for any other day that will work for him. He dissembles, then admits he'll be gone only 2 days, leaving plenty of time to see his daughter, if that were something he actually WANTED to do. But he doesn't want to.

(I think this post is becoming a rant, which I guess was sort of the idea of this blog. )

So, how do I co-parent with this person, who doesn't seem to WANT to parent? How do I not go crazy? I tried the no-contact approach, but I have to admit that it is not in our daughter's best interest for her parents to not be on speaking terms. It put her in the unintended role of messenger.

He told me that he is moving in with his girlfriend, Krispy, into the house she owns with her husband (they legally separated only 2 weeks ago), but that it is none of my business where he lives or whether he is buying the house. But our daughter will have overnights with him, wherever he lives. So is it my business? Or am I just not letting go, not accepting that he moved on last spring (or earlier)? Am I obsessing? How do I move on when I can't really cut off contact?

Our daughter came home from day care today with an art project featuring three figures. The captions read: "Mommy" "Daddy" "Krispy." Maybe some day it won't break my heart.